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Vegans Might Be On To Something

I do not know what the hell is going on with my life! Shit’s all wrong, man, all wrong. Tonight we went to the meeting with that cherion gal and she offered us a suitcase of money and at the same time extorted us by clearing our bank accounts to remain silent about the black goo bird incident. Of course we agreed, but not before we made it clear to them we aren’t some pushovers. There was another man there, Alberto was his name, I think… now we’re on a mission to dispatch some heavily armed government supersoldiers. I can only imagine they do this for their own amusement as who the fuck sends a bunch of ragtag misfits to fight the vastly superior forces of the establishment?! What is this, a JRPG? If so where’s my cool hair?

Anyway, when we were leaving the building we saw an explosion in the building, somewhere around the floor we were in probably. Arthur and Murphy went to investigate but honestly I was somewhat hurt and did not feel like investigating an explosion in a shady corporate front for some dubious organization dealing with the occult; so I did not follow them. After a while I heard some struggling sounds and someone saying they hated me, I was sad so I took a cab home and treated myself to a nice hamburger. The end.

Oh yeah, the hamburger tried to eat me! I squished his fucking overconfident buns into a pulp. These boots I’m wearing seem to be good for squishing stuff, I’ll try to remember that. I was still hungry so I ordered a truck full of pizza, the ordering it part went surprisingly well. Murphy and Arthur are still gone as I type this, as hurt as I am sentimentally I still hope they are ok.



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